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Philippians 3

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Some days you wonder if the Sun is going to obliterate the blackness into a million shattered pieces of bright again and in those moments of discouragement if you’re like me, you eat cake!

I have been facing some very personal struggles and the battle of many losses are raging in my soul. Yesterday was Saturday and as I was bawling in my car I told God I was feeling lost and scared that I couldn’t face more loss on my own. I thought I should conclude my blabbering show of distrust with the Lord’s Prayer and in those words “Your Kingdom come” I felt the Joy of His truths, that God owns the Kingdom!

I stopped crying and felt a bit happier and when I got out of my car and walked into my house (yes that’s right I choose to blubber in my car in the driveway, no sense keeping all that self-pity to myself in the house) my phone was flashing with a scripture texted to me “I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?” -Psalm 56:4 Wow, I knew it was a God Show!

I had plans later that day with a Friend and I thought I was going to cheer her up, it was the 5yr anniversary of her Sweet Baby Girl’s Homecoming. I think it’s quite possible that only hearts who have lost someone so precious share the heartache of vanished opportunities in the oneness of their irreplaceable lives.

As we talked she shared with me that perhaps God was asking me to step out in Faith. She told me that even when my life is a mess, I’m worth it to God right now! As she shared that it would be scary for me, kind of like jumping off a cliff into the uncertainty and believing God could catch me. I honestly thought what if there are starving Crocodiles waiting to shred my skin from the bone at the bottom of this here cliff? Yah I thought that!

But I knew she was right as scary as it sounded to me, I have an opportunity to trust because in all honesty I was already at a cliff and to turn back would mean my own slow but certain destruction. I had to press on.

I wish I could tell you that I will jump with such Faith knowing God is there but I will be the one who has seen God move many times yet my arms will still be flapping in the air, clawing frantically probing for any clump of earth desperately praying for no Crocodiles at the bottom of this trip! Sometimes I have such provisional Faith but God knows me privately and when no one else is looking He watches over me.

In Church today the Pastor spoke about –Are you Flavoured or Filled?- It made me wonder, Do I know Jesus or do I talk a good programme? It was Philippians 3 1-21 and the first 9 verses felt handpicked for me! If I am to lose earthly things here, let it be to the Glory of Christ!

I think God just might be asking me to look beyond what my eyes can focus on and find my strength even in the shadows that his Light shines upon.

I do know God is real! He’s not some distracted puff of universe that makes up new words for me to recite or new commandments for me to keep an eye on! “He is the same yesterday, today and forever!” He is as real to me as the Neighbour next door He sent to help me. As real to me as the Friends who care about me, as real to me as the Family I belong to and as real to me as the Love I feel at the mention of His name!

I might just need to let go of the mirror of shame, throw out the garbage of sin’s remembrance and wipe away the power of regret!
See God made me with a wee bit of extra on design day, I’m special to Him and I see it in my remarkable life! I can’t even tell you why God would find worth in a mess like me, but He did and I’m proof of His immeasurable Grace! I’m His own and I’m liking a bit more of the reflection I see – Momma T



About the Author:

I am a women and mother who finds my serenity in the Grace of God. In my life there is no greater purpose then to Love a child. There is no higher calling then to Love one another. I have found my immovability in His Never-ending Love for me. I have found Him Faithful even to the depths of the grave.

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