Daniel in his party hatOn June 28, 2009 my Beautiful Child was in a car accident while on the way to church. It was and remains the most horrible day of my life. There are no words to express the hole that resides in my heart; I will never be the same. I am broken and crushed against a rock but I am Not defeated!

I was so concerned about my need for happiness and my turn for me that I just lived. I knew I was an influence in my child’s life yet I lived my life in ignorance choosing not to see. My superficial existence went on for years. I was so foolish and so lost!

But our God is a Faithful and Loving Father who never lets go like we do! My dry, aching and lost soul began to long for Home. I began to remember how good it was to talk with God. I began to remember how good it was to be in right relationship, to just be accepted and cherished.

Only months before Daniel died, I started praying for the returning of my children’s hearts to Him. It was overwhelming me the loss that I had caused. He lived confidently for the Lord, or at least until his parents divorced and his caring world was thrown into thoughtless abandonment for the truth, the life and the way. Through the tragedy of my selfishness, Daniel held God responsible for the divorce when the fault was mine!

Then it began, Daniel started reading his bible and started going to church. You could see the change in Daniel’s 23 yr old heart. I could feel the grace to my desperate soul.

Just as things are going great, a phone call; the accident; the fear and the despair. The longest drive ever frantically trying to get to my son. Two broken femurs, every bone crushed in his legs and facial fractures. The Doctors say he will be okay were just waiting for surgery. Does he know how precious he is to me? Does he know that he is my life? This is my child that I love, I can’t breathe.

Daniel goes in for surgery hours later, everything is going great they come out and tell us, then a turn for the worse he has died twice. Prepare yourself the doctor says, he isn’t going to make it! Oh yes he is I tell myself. I begin a walk around the hospital begging and pleading with God, Lord please don’t take him! I can’t live here without him, please Jesus I beg you…………………….please! For two hours I plead for mercy. But in my heart God is talking and I know my son is going to die.

I asked the pastor at the hospital to pray with me that if God is going to take my child that I would hear one more time from his own mouth that he is “ready to go”. We pray and Daniel dies, I am broken!

6 days later I find out from Daniel’s girlfriend they seen a sign the night before Daniel died on the way home from Canada’s Wonderland that read “When Jesus Comes Will You Be Ready?” and Daniel said “yep I’m ready” not once but twice. I believe with all my heart that God holds the circumstances in a world full of troubles.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28

There is so much to this story but that is not the reason I write here. Sometimes things don’t work out the way we dreamed and pain can become our hearts song. But I am hoping that you can trust in a real God who did for me the biggest Grace ever. Believe me my heart knows how impossible it is for us not to miss the people we love every moment. Yet I am familiar with a peace where there is just no rational reason for it. God remains good!